Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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