i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
