My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
