He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
