ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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