can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
