First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
