So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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