I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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