I need help removing her.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
