Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
