soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
