I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
