the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
