i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
