I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
