so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
