Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
