Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
