just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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