a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dear god my vagina.
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