That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have aggressive nipples.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
