Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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