But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
