I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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