i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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