I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
