I'm pants shitting drunk right now
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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