I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize