The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
