Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize