I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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