I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
