Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
