make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
