I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
