u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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