I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
