I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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