please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
