i think i have two assholes
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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