Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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