he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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