We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
