I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
