god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
