yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
