ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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