Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
