I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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