I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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