You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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