The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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