I am puke
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
