hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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