Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
