dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
