Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
