So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
