My hand turned me down
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
