the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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