i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
