elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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