You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
