i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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